Five

all days can be good days.

in the morning, the difference between jumping out of bed and snooze dread is a question of choice. do i feel like today is taking from me what i do not want to give? or do i freely give what today will ask of me, whatever that may be? choose the latter, whether you have slept soundly or poorly, because even if you wallowed in bed until noon, you can't go back to redo it. even if you’re scared, that means you get to be brave.

at night, the difference between an easy or strained wind-down is a question of attribution. did i do everything i needed to do today? did i do it the way i wanted to? did i respond to obstacles and encouragement in the best way? what's tomorrow looking like? did i set myself up well for that? what are my regrets?

i'll tell you the answers: "i did my best where i could and my best was good enough. where i couldn't bring out my best, now i can see where that path leads. God, thank you for letting me shine and thank you for letting me stumble today. because i am lucky, i get to wake up to choose and see something new.

knowing that i am held by the universe, that God allows me to succeed and God allows me to fail, relieves me of the burden that i have to carry it all. i don't. i am loved and held even as i struggle to love and hold myself.

when i win, i know that my actions and habits and structures are working, and that God is allowing me the satisfaction of a job well done. when i lose, i know i can still learn, grow and improve, and that God is giving me that opportunity. so let me rest for now. my calendar is full but i do not know what will happen tomorrow until i live it. the unknown is a gift from God. i can't wait to open it."