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category of memory.

everyone has a very special category of memory called, “the worst thing(s) that ever happened to me that i could never tell anyone.” what we can hardly bear ourselves but cannot have help for. we can’t bring ourselves to ask. we can’t reveal the hurt. we can’t let anyone know something so trivial or vile or embarrassing could ever touch us, triggering all our shame and deepest fears. they are for us, alone.

now, what would it take to turn this into the best thing that ever happened to you? even if success could only bring you to zero or neutrality about it? if we can’t wish that it never happened, if the goal is to somehow never regret and yet never find ourselves back there, we will have to treat our private tragedies as sacred, secret initiations into our purpose.

if you still don’t know how this could be the best thing that ever happened for you, you have to keep going. everyone is on a journey, whether out in the world or inside, to the depths. keep showing up, keep digging in. if you can’t get to, “always wish it happened,” don’t worry that you haven’t yet arrived. the path will continue to unfold until the heartbreak becomes a mystery becomes a miracle, in the most perfect way that only your soul could have known to ask for.