58

you will be disabused.

who do you think is going to solve this problem? you know, the problem. the one you’ve been trying to solve for as long as you can remember. the noise in your mind, the peace you can’t seem to find. that which has eluded every version of you. who do you imagine coming to make it all better?

i know it’s taken this long to not have solved it yet, but the right answer will eventually be brought to the front of your mind. life as you know it will keep coming until one day, you wake up and realize, with some disappointment and maybe a bit of horror: “the person who will [solve this problem] is me. i am about to do something i’ve never done before: i’m going to make my own life better. i am the medicine. it’s me.”

sometimes what the universe does is dangle the thing in front of you –the thing that looks better than anything from before– that feels like it could absolutely be the solution to your ache. it looks like relief: that person who arrives, the destination or opportunity that opens up. you almost relax into it. and before it’s yours for very long, it’s yanked away. that wasn’t it.

these things will keep happening until it’s clear: this happens to be your problem because you happen to be the solution. whatever it is you seek, it will appear in your life only after you find it within. you’ve been on the wrong side of a locked door with the key in your pocket the entire time.

this is how the universe blesses you: they would never allow anyone else to hold this power. the liberator is always you. you have to believe that the purpose of this life was not to find the person, place or thing upon which you would be most dependent because that’s what fulfilled your deepest desire. no. what kind of half-ass happy ending are we striving for? how could anyone else be the hero of your story? why would it be your movie and then God casts someone else as the star? it’s your movie. you get top billing. the red carpet was for you. it’s time to hit your marks.